Letter In My Notes.

I really wish I knew what it was that he wanted from me. The constant streams of tears and complaining are really getting on my nerve. I know for a fact though, once you go back and forth with a female it's granted you'll lose her. I only know this for a fact because for some reason deep down inside, I feel like he already lost me. He means the world to me, and I'd do anything for him. I just don't know how many ways to explain that to him. When you find out the one you care most about doesn't trust you...what's your next move? Do you stay in hopes that he'll come around and trust you later? Or do you leave because the trust is already gone? I definitly don't know my next move. Which is why I'm still here...with him dangling on this thin string hoping he pulls me back in before I snap. it pains me to know that I equally hurt him just as much as he has hurt me. Which may be why I'm trying so hard to make it work. But at the end of the day, were both young and selfish. So in all actuality THIS may never really work. But this whole relationship thing wasn't always cracked up to be what movies make em seem. It's meant to hurt and make you laugh all the same time. It's meant to help you grow. And I can honestly say that with him I've grown alot. Love is a powerful feeling and a he'll of emotions. Both things I'm never able to balance out. Maybe this relationship...all relationships just aren't for me. Maybe I AM the problem. Maybe I'm just reading to far into this as per usual. But I highly doubt it. I can't help how I feel about cerrtain situations. I can't help but put my self in dumbass situations. I just want to be able to give my all to someone, someone who's been in need of love they never had or lost. I want to be able to give my love to HIM. Maybe I'm rushing things, maybe I'm the actual reason why he's not happy. I wish I can make him happy and stay that way. I just want to be his companion and best friend. Why does that not seem possible right now, when I've been here so long and given him so much of me? Is that not what he wants from me also? Sometimes, maybe things ARE better left unsaid. Saves all the pain and hurt from hitting the very clear and evident surface. I need to reevalulate my life. Whether I include him or not. Regardless of how I may feel one day out of all the days we share together, I fuckin adore, love and cherish that man with every ounce of me. He's my world, and as I've been saying I'll do anything to make sure he's happy.


Rebel For A Cause,
Authentik|Supa.Flai